34 days ago, I came home for the first time in 8 months. I wondered what Georgetown would feel like after so long spent away. If it would be a paradise lost or a paradise found or some crazy little thing in between. Cross-legged and with this song looping on repeat, I found myself wondering if I should have some sort of plan.
But New Years and its knocking for resolutions came and passed; the first day of school went pedal to the metal; and for once, no plan seemed to be the best plan of all.
SAY WHAT? I suppose this seems straight up loony. It goes against all the normal rules of being an ambitious perfectionist.
Well damn, it's a good thing I have a flagrant disregard for normal rules.
No doubt, people have asked about study abroad--if I wish I were still there or happy to be back. Well hey there, life is our box of chocolates, friends--no need to choose just one! My transition has been one of rather surprising smoothness. Coming back from study abroad, I've separated things by place. The places I've been are incomparably different, but there's more to it than that. Georgetown as I know it has changed, but then again, so have I.
You see, my first two years at Georgetown were defined by polar opposites--by a fairytale freshman year and a sophomore slump. It makes sense that this year, defined wholly by me as I've deemed it, just feels authentic. I've parted ways with the categories I used to crave and am really just happier going with the flow. I'm doing what I need, doing more of less without doing something meaningless.
And that has made all the difference. I've found myself craving minimalism, going back to the basics as if life were the rediscovery of cheese pizza. I feel comfortable being in my own skin. I say this casually, but I mean it sincerely. I've been walking the line between self improvement and straight chillin'.
In the lands of self-improvement, I've spent a fair amount of time considering the people part of the equation. I spent a weekend with best friend C, just laughing about nonsense before her semester abroad in Cape Town. Days come together in due jankiness with best friends H, L, and P who know me far too well. New roomies K and E are the redefinition of funky fresh, with loving reminders that "donuts" and "happy hour" are integral vocabulary words. Couch talks with P have been vital. Lunches with Y have been wonderfully hilarious, and themed costumes with A have been a major sort of major success.
{Can you guess the costume? Hint: it's Dr. Seuss}
I've realized how much certain relationships matter to me--they matter more than Sunday brunch, trips to Paris, corny jokes, Gmail, and really really comfy beds all put together. (Ok, that last one might be a close second...). I appreciate the people who are there when its convenient...but even more so those who are there when its not convenient. The people who take the time to hangout from across campus and from states away. The people who can see a classic Lexi moment before I see it myself.
After a few years of slugging through general ed requirements, I'm finally starting to jump into classes that interest me. Plus, I still count every one of my dang lucky stars when a teacher speaks to me in English. And I could hug every, single one for never bringing up French literature. It's the little things, yo! Professionally, I've accepted an offer for a return internship at Google this summer and couldn't be more excited to see what the Bay area brings this time.
For me, coming back (home) to Georgetown has been about doing things a little differently. I've made it my goal to meet new people. And in such an eager pursuit, I've stumbled my way into conversations about unconventional elevator speeches, the how behind happiness, and quantum physics (come again?). I've been realizing the beauty of place but also of experience too.
Side note: I still don't fully understand quantum physics. Really. At all.
Of course, I'd like to be careful to paint a charmed life as is so easily done on social media. I'm still dealing with a few fractured friendships and segueing my way into new life territory. There's still plenty to do and even more to figure out. For all ya'll who have been along for the ride, hey thanks! You make my day when you tell me you've enjoyed my ramblings. I've had a hard time sticking with journaling here, but someone last week reminded me why I love and need to write, even if it's trivial.
Looking to what's on the docket, there's no shortage of things coming soon to a theater near you. I want to start something new, to try a new restaurant or two, and to carry on with the farmers' market. I want to visit the Holocaust museum for reflection and North Rock Creek Park for a hike simply because I never have. I couldn't be happier about next weekend's reunion with Google friends/resident Cool Kids on the Block. And you better believe I'm bonkers pumped for an upcoming spring break in Miami.
Make no small plans, or make no plans at all.
I'm finding balance. And just being me--an unapologetically free-spirited, barefoot dreamer (and hot mess). If you're inclined to ask for a normal explanation of what that means, my answer is this:
Well, darling, I thought we agreed that normal isn't really my style anyway.
I'm halfway between a sea of snow and a tandem of thoughts. It's nearly April! Bonkers. There's snow. Still? Major bonkers.
I’ve spent the better part of the past year trying to figure out how to explain the recovery process. Both to myself & to others. Most often, I’m asked, “Are you back to normal now?”